He’s gone….he’s officially gone.. June 1, 2008

Well, we did it…We started our second journey to Iraq and back.
Me and the kids dropped him off at the airport.
I was strong and didn’t show them how torn up I am inside.
We decided to stop and have ice cream for dinner, which seemed to cheer them up.
 
I have this emptiness inside.
I saw his slippers upstairs in the bedroom and I about lost it.
This is going to make me or break me and I will not fail.
I have to show my kids that I’m NOT weak.
I can do this.
 
In previous times apart, Rick has left his wedding band with me and taken his “Iraq wedding band.” A simple, gold band. Ever since boot camp, I have worn his around my neck and not taken it off since he’s gotten home. I know, a little high school-ish, but it makes me feel better.  His band is worth about $5k and if he becomes a POW, I know morbid thinking, I don’t want those a-holes to have his jewels.  Sorry, this is the way that I think, morbid or not, I have to think these things out. 
 
Well, because we were double parked at the airport, I forgot to exchange with him and when I remembered we were already back on the highway.  My stomach dropped. I was so upset. I called him and he was already passed security.
 
I’m lonely, the house is quiet, I miss him sitting on the recliner.
 
It’s funny though because I know, deep down, it’s ok.
I just have to remember why we did this.
I love our country and our freedoms and for this, I will sacrifice.

 Love to all…..Here are some pictures from our goodbyes at the airport…

Rick left me a note on my desk. There’s a picture of that too…Our goal is weight loss for this trip!!

 That is circa 1997.

 

 

Honor and Rainbows June 1, 2008

Well, Thursday  was Nate’s graduation from both of his preschools. He’s 3 and has really found a way into all of his teachers hearts.  He just has that way about him, although, he plays VERY hard to get.

He was at storytime at Mrs Jane’s school and they were having story time. Their story had something to do with honor. (I didn’t get the whole story from the teacher.) So, she asked him, “Nate, what does the word HONOR mean to you.” Without hesitation, he said, “My Daddy.” When she told me, I cried. It was very emotional for me and it validated, to me, the fact that he “got it.” As Oprah would say, it was his “AH-HA” moment.  Even at 3, he makes me smile and cry at the same time.

That night, we were driving, and this is what we saw!

 

Yes, your eyes do not deceive you…that’s a double rainbow!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was amazing.

I took about 8 pictures of it because Rick and I hadn’t seen anything like it either.  And, let me tell you, this picture is NOT retouched (cause I don’t know how to do that). This is an actual picture from my phone.

 

The night before…again.. June 1, 2008

So, here I sit…Rick leaves tomorrow. I’m having lots of anxiety. We decided to take the kids to the airport. It’s an opportunity for me to show the kids that this is a good thing. We are not victims. It’s what we make of it and there is no way that I can show weakness. They have seen me weak and I can assure you…It wasn’t pretty.

Rick is spending some time with the kids tomorrow while I work for a couple of hours.
We are taking him to the airport at about 5pm.
All in all it’s really tough, but I keep reminding myself that this is NOT like the last time. We will see him about every 90 days (approximately). That, itself, makes this different than before. The kids really don’t seem to be affected, like they were the first time, and I’m convinced that it’s because of how we have changed our attitudes.
Here’s my breakdown of the advantages vs the disadvantages of him leaving:

Advantages:
-Less laundry
-less dishes
-more money
-less debt
-the ability to fall in love over the internet for the 3rd time (now who gets THAT kind of opportunity)
-technology is at it’s finest and I married one of the nerds (we hope to have skype or something of that nature to help us keep down the phone card bills.)
-having the whole bed to myself (well, this could be an advantage and a disadvantage)
-being able to fall asleep with the TV on (Rick hates having the TV on in bed)
-getting to send carepackages-I’ve become an expert

Disadvantages:
-Missing him
-missing him
-missing him some more
-the possibility of unrelaible phones AGAIN!
-the possibility of unreliable internet access…AGAIN!
-not knowing where he is going
-did I mention missing him?

I’m holding it together. Trying not to have nervous breakdowns, at least not in front of the kids.

Guess I should be grateful that I didn’t use up all that Ativan when Rick came home from Iraq last spring.