I believe that Christmas Eve has changed forever… December 24, 2008

It’s Christmas Eve and I can’t even believe I’ve sat down to write this.
My grandmother had a stroke on Friday morning at 11:30 am. My mom called to tell me what had happened and that the caretaker was with her when it happened. I rushed to her house and arrived in about 8 minutes. I live 1.5 miles from her and my mom lives about 20 minutes away. My mom had just talked to her at about 10:20am and she gave my mom a list of things to buy for Christmas.

I don’t want to relive the entire thing, but what I saw was heartbreaking and I had enough time to tell her what was happening and that we loved her. My mom and uncle turned the corner as the ambulance was leaving with her and we followed the ambulance to the hospital. I knew there was a drug called TPA that is able to reverse the effects of a stroke, but I knew there was a time limit. I was just hoping she was a candidate for the drug as I knew that at her age, 92, the chances were/are slim.

We arrived at the hospital, waited an hour and then we were told that the drug could NOT be administered intravenously because of her history of internal bleeding. They would have to administer the drug via catheter directly to the clot in her brain. We only had 6 hours. We waited for an ambulance that eventually had to come from philly. They had wanted to take her via mediflight, but all helicopters were grounded due to weather. All specialty ambulances were tied up. She didn’t leave the hospital until 4ish. The drug had to be administered by 5:30pm. We knew she wouldn’t make it to Einstein Medical Center in time. It was frustrating and it didn’t help that the charge nurse had a serious attitude about all of it. A little compassion goes a long way.

Well, fast forward to tonight. She has a feeding tube in her stomach, a bladder infection, and she barely stays awake long enough to acknowledge that you are there.

She did hear me tonight. She turned her head when I touched her and she tried to ask me how we are (true mom-mom style) When I confirmed whether she was trying to ask that or not, she nodded her head and tried to continue talking. She got too tired and fell back to sleep. She knew I was there. If that was the last time she sees my face, I’m happy. I have no regrets.

I’m sad that Rick isn’t home. I want her to see his face again.

I reflect back on our recent conversations.
How funny she was telling stories about my pop-pop. Telling the same stories over and over, because she knew I liked hearing them. They were just as funny every time she told them. And I enjoyed them as if it was the first time I heard them. She is a fantastic story teller.

I hope that she can recover well enough to have conversations again.
She knows that we love her, but I have a couple more questions to ask her.
She is ready to go. She’s told me that.

I just wish she was the mom-mom she was last week. She was so excited for Christmas.
Tomorrow is her birthday. 93 years young.
We brought her a poinsettia plant. Now she has two.

Love you mom-mom. Happy Birthday. We miss you. Come back to us.

Blahhhhhhging December 12, 2008

Yeah….
It’s not blogging…It’s Blahhhhhging..Cause that’s exactly how I feel today.

Disclaimer: I’m miserable, tired and ready to be done with the Marine Corps, once and for all. Lots of bitching may follow.

Rick will not be home for Christmas. I can thank the Marine Corps for that. Without going into huge detail, he needs coverage from another person in order to leave. This person just happens to be someone HE recommended to the company to hire. We’ll call him Jim. Jim is still waiting stateside to leave the US and we’re told that his flight is leaving the US on 12/20. Well, obviously, the way our luck is, Jim will have a week layover in Kuwait because the Marine Corps forgot to process some really important paperwork in order to get him into Afghanistan OR the Marine Corps will claim they never KNEW about this really important paperwork. All hypothetical, of course. [sarcasm] *sigh*

Even if Jim leaves on 12/20 as scheduled, Rick would never make it home for Christmas in time. *sigh*

Oh, but wait, there’s more. Rick’s boss has NO problems leaving Afghanistan for his 2 week vacation to the US for Christmas. Apparently, his SSgt can handle things, while he’s gone. *sigh* The Marine Corps is good for that you know….making rules and making them only pertain to certain people. As for the others, you know, the “higher ups”, they don’t have to follow any rules. *can I get an amen from my Marine sisters*

So….
I had to explain to my children that Rick won’t be home. It was harder on me than it was on them. Ricky accepted it and went on about his business. Nate asked a few more questions. He asked a pretty legitimate question…”Is he not coming home because the Marines need him and he can’t leave?” Of course, with a tear in my eye, said, “yes.”

They understand it. They get it. They get why this works this way and they understand that it was never a guarantee, just a wish. We made our Christmas wish and it wasn’t granted. Now we have to move on as if it didn’t happen.

I was just telling a friend that it’s easier to be mad. It’s easier to be upset with the situation. Unfortunately, for me, I have to be a grown up here. My kids need to feel like it’s christmas. So, with that, I’m going to climb Mt. Everest, a.k.a. my attic stairs, and begin to bring the Christmas decorations down. Another unfortunate happening will be me moving the living room furniture around by myself to get the tree in the right spot. With all this back pain, it will sure be enjoyable for the makers of Motrin and Percocet. They will be making money off of this expedition. Wait, should I ask them to sponsor me for the tree-athalon? Hey…now there’s a good idea….

Oopps….sorry…I digress….

I can’t sign off without saying how much I dream about living a simple life with my husband and children. I look around at the economy, people being irresponsible with money, people getting more and more into debt, and I think…wow…I wish I could move, right now, to the middle of nowhere, not tell anyone where I live and just escape. I dream of the day that Rick comes home, we sell our house, move and start fresh. Make a new start without the Marine Corps, without the drama that has seemed to follow me through this entire Marine Corps journey. I’m so done. D-O-N-E. DONE!!

I have never wanted anything more in my life than just being side by side with my husband and living how we were living pre-Marine Corps. I want it back so badly. At least, to get through the tough times, Rick will be next to me, instead of 8000 miles away and 9.5 hours ahead of me.

I’m convinced that when he’s by my side, we can do anything that comes our way. For now, we have to deal with this crap. I’m thankful for a great marriage, healthy children and a roof over our heads. In the near future though, we want more. We want a true sense of family, true sense of home, and love that abounds…in person.

I love you Rick.

We’re going on a cruise, I’ve sent out my Christmas carepackages, and…I still miss my husband! December 7, 2008

Tis the season to send out carepackages…fa la la la la la la la la.

Well, this year was a success! 24 carepackages (flate rate boxes of course) were sent to two different Marine Corps units in Iraq. Wow. What a project it is!  There was tremendous generosity from the community. Many groups came together to make cookies/brownies and breads, many donated books and magazines..it was really nice to see that even though we are in a recession, we still reach out to our troops. Truly, a very humbling time for me.  A friend of mine is coming to pick up the last 10 carepackages tonight to haul them to the post office for me. Without him, they wouldn’t get there. I’ve been having so much back pain…gee…I wonder why Thank you to everyone that has helped out.

I’ve recently had a lot of questions about how/where to send carepackages. I’ve been using the same site for about 5 years now. www.anymarine.com  Other sister websites are:  www.anysoldier.com, www.anysailor.com, and www.anyairman.com.  I’m a little partial to anymarine.com  Sorry folks

These websites allow you to search for MANY different criteria. You can send carepackages just to women, just to people in certain locations, or look up by last name. The possibilites are endless.  I would highly recommend using these sites as the military personnel themselves are responsible for updating their status. They have departure dates listed, and, even though they may not be completely accurate, it does give you an idea of how long they are there for.  I’ve literally spent HOURS searching on anymarine.com.  LOVE LOVE LOVE that website. If you can’t help out by taking the time to send out carepackages, send them a donation. They operate ONLY by donations.

If you need further tips on packaging, ideas for packages, etc, drop me a line. I could do it in my sleep. Most of the military personnel will tell you what they need or don’t need, but if you want a little more guidance, let me know.

Secondly…great news…

WE BOOKED OUR CRUISE! 6/25/2009 we sail out of Cape Liberty, New Jersey.  9 night Eastern Carribean and Bermuda. Yeah, we are going all out. I figure we’ve sacraficed enough. It’s time the boys had some time with their dad and around the time of our 10th wedding anniversary. It’s an awesome feeling.  I feel really good about it and feel even better about it by not using a credit card   We get back on 4th of July, how cool will that be!

Rick’s travel home is not confirmed for Christmas yet. I’m sad because I’d like to have a countdown, but if I get a week’s notice, that’s good enough for me. Of course, this is all because the Marine Corps closed CLNC for processing for the entire month of November and part of Dec.  His coverage person is still waiting to process. *sigh*  You Marine Corps wives out there know what that’s like.

I’ll try to update more soon!